Yes, dear 12 loyal readers–I am still here. I don’t post often as you may have noticed–my sense of humor is still missing in action. But then, when I least expected it, I was collapsed with a laughing fit of ironic comprehension.
AOL or some other really relevant internet site ran an article about CURING one’s arthritis! This was of immediate interest so I clicked and read. It seems the Magic Formula is to soak golden raisins in juniper berries gin for one week. Then, one consumes NINE of these little shriveled grapes a day. The article stressed it must be NINE, not 3, not 12, but NINE to give relief.
(Here is a sign of the aging process: I went out three times to get the ingredients. Each time out, the stores were out of golden raisins but I still got a bottle of gin. No further comment.)
As a last resort, I stopped in our little market here in SeniorLand. As soon as I asked for golden raisins, the manager threw back her head and laughed as she called out, “You’re going for the arthritis cure!”
How did she know? I was intrigued.
She personally took me to the shelf where the raisins are kept and verily, there was a gaping space next to the better-known dark raisins. It seems she can’t keep golden raisins on the shelves since that article came out. I asked her if she has had a similar run on gin and she whispered to me that the market sold more 1) booze and 2) ice cream than anything else put together. However, she had noticed a slight uptick in gin lately. Perhaps Ben and Jerry should take the hint and start making gin-soaked raisin ice cream.
This struck me as hilarious. Of course all the Seniors would flock to a gin-soaked raisin remedy for arthritis! I was told that folks were even putting them on their morning corn flakes. Then, in a conspiratorial tone, I was told to be at the market first thing on Monday morning when she was expecting her next delivery of golden raisins.
Meanwhile, I have scored some golden raisins. I faithfully poured the gin in the bowl until they were just covered and settled down to waiting a week for the raisins to become engorged. Imagine my surprise when the next morning all the raisins were quite plump and the gin was gone! Did it evaporate? Did Mr. T drink it? The recipe did not address these concerns.
So, of course, I poured more gin into the bowl to cover the raisins. Day #2 I checked the raisins and again, the gin was gone. Okay–this could get expensive so I began consuming my 9 gin-soaked raisins. I’ll just say upfront: I don’t think they taste so hot. But, I would like to get my hands to hurt just a little less. So, with that noble attitude I have been eating 9 hoochy raisins each morning for the last 3 days. My hands still hurt. This is not my first rodeo–tomorrow we up the raisin portion to 12 and damn the recipe–full healing ahead! !
(P.S. The raisins are starting to taste pretty good.)