Whiskey Lullaby

What does one do if one lives in Sonoma County and gets an overpowering urge to go honkytonking??? Yellow pages turn up exactly ONE establishment that even slightly resembles a honkytonk. Kodiak Jack’s advertised it had a mechanical bull.

After Bakersfield where I think there was a city ordinance requiring a minimum number of honkytonks per zip code this was shocking. Wine tasting, wine pairing, wine and mushroom pairing, barrel tastings–these were in abundance but dadgummit! I wanted to drink some suds and hear a sad Country song.

I’ve been thinking that there is no occasion in real life that isn’t already covered in a Country-Western song. When I recognized our newest club member from his photo on Megan’s List I realized I was humming “I turned 21 in prison doing life without parole.” Mama tried, Mama tried.

Speaking of Mama, even though her dementia continues to claim more and more of her latest memories, she suddenly snapped out of it this week and demanded her putter from her golf bag. The last time she played golf was 1992 but hey! didn’t matter! She wanted her Ping putter. I tried to convince her that it wasn’t really her putter–it had been her best friend’s putter and she’d only gotten it when the woman had died back in 1985 and willed it to my mom. No good–DM wants THAT putter. Well, she’s not getting it because I took it from her golf bag in 2009 when I took up golf. I like that putter and I’m not giving it back.

Have you ever tried to argue with someone who has dementia??? This is a woman who keeps trying to use her walker on the stairs at the Assisted Living facility! I found myself singing “You don’t know me but you don’t like me…..” every time we got into the WHERE’S MY PING PUTTER loop. For someone who has lost 5 sets of keys, 3 checkbooks and endless purses in a year’s time, I can’t slip a different putter past her. The mind is amazing.

Speaking of golf…..”Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain” wouldn’t get out of my head. These tunes that get stuck in your mind are called ear worms. I was singing that one because every time I bent over to putt the tears would gush out of my eyes and splash onto the green. I checked with the eye doc who thought anyone would cry if she had a golf game as bad as mine but finally realized I needed quick medical help when I explained that the tears made it seem like there were 3 golf balls on the green instead of one. Since the eye doc is also a golfer he gave me some kind of drops that sounded like DEFCON 2. So now in addition to golf clubs I carry a camera, 2 inhalers, an epi pen, braces for both hands and the high alert eye drops!

Whew…..At least I never sold my saddle and that’s the most important thing.

But speaking of putting…….I read a book called Unconscious Putting. What do you know! I went to the same high school with that guy. Always wondered what happened to him. I wonder if he gets ear worms.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll drop in at the local New Age Tea House and see if Tarot Card Lady is doing any business. It’s not a honkytonk but it’s where I am.

But secretly, I’d rather be in Texas for the roundup in the Spring.


About mamatoc

A Baby Boomer learning to live in a retirement community in California.
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